Are We Now or Ever Were Chapter 9
Author’s Note: This next chapter deals from Season 5 of Angel : Soul Purpose. No copyright infringement intended. I owe all the work done in this episode to Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt and the rest of the talented team! I will also note if I’ve quoted someone else saying the words rather than the intended in the show.
No copyright infringement intended on any or all photography.
PG-13
NOTE: Spike is sent off to kill the demon mentioned in the end of Chapter 8.
Chapter 9:
Weighed Anchor; Found Wanting
Angel had left Buffy in bed and was sitting at his office desk when he must have nodded off. He saw Spike getting his redemption and himself burning.
He woke up in a sweat…’Can vampires sweat?’
I sat in my office all morning and wondered why I was still trying to do this job. It’s like Lorne said, instead of working FOR W and H; I should have been working on the inside against them.
Buffy, what am I going to do with her? I mean she’s pregnant and she’s the slayer.
He shook his head and sighed in defeat.
I’m not sure what’s gonna happen. I’ve read the journals, Liam’s journals, question begs though..did he write about everything or did he leave stuff out?
~~~~~~~~~~
“Buffy!”
Angel snapped out of his reverie and looked towards the elevator. He watched her walk towards him and stand at his desk.
He glared at the space between them and snapped at Wesley. “Let’s kill ‘em all! Warlocks, minions, they’re all evil. Sold their kids to the devil. Let’s just wipe them all out. We can do that, right?”
“Yes, but Angel…” Wes calmly replied.
“Then why don’t we?” Angel stood up from behind his desk and closed the space between him and Buffy.
“Let’s get back to the basics. Good versus Evil, offing the monsters where we find them!”
‘But we have to tread lightly here, Angel. We can’t afford…” Gunn stopped and glanced at Buffy.
“Angel, are you alright?” Buffy hoped to God he was just tired.{Soul Purpose”Gunn actually says it”}
Angel sighed and wiped his eyes. “I’m just…tired.” He glanced up and then looked back down.
He looked at Gunn and said,”Gunn, get a meeting with your best judas. Feel him out and don’t tip your hand. Any hint from him carrying word back to Drake, we go with Wes’ plan.”
Fred glanced at Buffy then to Angel. “Are you sure you’re alright?”
“You don’t look so good.”{Soul Purpose”Gunn”}
“Yeah, I just…need to get some rest.”
He looked down at Buffy and she mouthed, “I’m sorry.”
“Go, get some rest…and maybe sleep in tomorrow.” Fred suggests.
“No..”
“Angel, sleep. Now.” Buffy wrapped her arm around him and pulled him along.
Wes and Gunn told him that they could handle it.
“Yea, if anything earth shattering comes up, we know where to find you.” Gunn told them
Buffy pulled him into the elevator and turned back toward the group. “Thank you. I’ll make sure he sleeps.”
Buffy noticed Wes’ look but didn’t comment.
~~~~~~~~~
Once the doors opened to his apartment, Buffy noticed that Angel was practically asleep on his feet.
He walked sluggishly as she followed behind him.
“This isn’t your fault,” he mumbled.
“Buffy…I think I’m sick.” {Soul Purpose”Angel actually said that to Wes.”}
‘O’K…huh?’ Buffy thought but instead said
{Soul Purpose”Wes says to Angel”} “Angel, vampires can’t get sick.” Buffy quickly got annoyed. “After reading Liam’s letter, I don’t think this is a funny joke.” She stormed out to get him a cool cloth.
Angel saw Wes come in and he said to Angel “It must be hard to come to terms with the truth; that your irrelevant.”
Angel glared at him. “What?”
Wes grimaced. “It’s difficult to face, I know but things couldn’t be much worse. Spike’s arrival is quite gratuitous.” he pulled a stake out and told Angel “It will make this alot easier.”
Angel just stared at the stake. “W.what?” He stammered. Wes staked him the heart and Angel woke up screaming only to find himself sitting on the edge of his bed wiping his face with a cloth.
“Sh. Angel. It’s okay. Your having some kind of waking nightmares, I think. I used to get those after Liam disappeared.” She kissed him on the lips.
“Buffy?” He looked so lost. She felt a little lost herself.
“Angel, sleep with me? Cuddling and sleep, best therapy; well and ice cream but we’ll have to do that later.” They dressed down to their underwear and climbed under the covers.
“Mmm, sleep well Muirnin.” Buffy murmured as Angel snuggled down against her chest and listened to her and the baby’s faint heart rhythms.
‘She called me Beloved.’ He smiled as he closed his eyes and fell asleep.
He started dreaming immediately.
~~~~~~~
“Fred. I think something’s wrong.”
“Ok. Don’t worry. I know what to do.” Fred told him.
She turned away for a second and snapped a white medical glove on her hand. She turned back to him and said “Let’s take a look under the hood.”
He leaned up on his elbows. “What? Fred?” he looked around and saw he was in the lab but lying in his bed. Next to him, Buffy was still asleep. “What are you doing?”
Fred just smiled as she pushed a table closer to him. She picked up a scalped and then examined his chest with her other hand. “It’s ok.”
Angel started panicking, taking unneeded shallow breaths and was actually frightened as Fred lowered the scalpel. “Please!”
He protested but she cut into him anyway and it was like he couldn’t move. He felt the pain of the blade cutting through his skin.
Angel’s chest was wide open as Fred took a look inside. She started removing all his organs and told him he didn’t need it anyway. “Probably should have had it removed a long time ago.”
She pulled something out and Angel saw it was a walnut.
“What do ya know, it really is a dried up little walnut.” She tosses it on the table and goes back to digging into his body. {Soul Purpose: cut wacky dream short}
“Buffy!” Angel jerked up and yelled.
She immediately took him in her arms and held him.
“Nothing. She..she took my soul and sai..nothing. nothing.” Angel mumbled and shook his head slightly.
“Mo gra, mo chroi (my love, my heart), your soul is bound, remember?” Buffy whispered as she smoothed his hair and rocked him gently as he held on to her.
“Is cuimhim liom” (I remember).
They laid there for a few minutes and then Angel spoke very softly, so quiet. “Let me make love to you..”
His eyes pleaded with her and her heart pleaded that they needed this. Her mind and body were in agreement.
He worshiped her body as if she were a goddess. A part of Angel believed she was; the other rational part knew her for what she really was, his soul mate.
She in turn treated him like her soul mate.
Passion and Love were in tune with each other as they melded their bodies together and two became one. Synchronicity in fighting and in love making, these two souls melded together, coming together like the symbol for infinity. Completely linked and in tune with one another.
~~
Afterward they showered and as Buffy was completing her shower, he called in some breakfast for her. He gulped down a glass of blood and slouched back down on the bed.
“Spike?” He looked over and saw Spike having sex with…
“Can you say jumping the gun? I killed my goldfish..”
“Buffy?” ‘I was..wasn’t I? Didn’t we just…’
“Gonna be a marathon with all that yammering.” Spike looked at him and said.
Angel looked on in shock.
“Angel? Hello, Angel!”
Gasping, he grabbed her by the shoulders. “Buffy!” he blinked several times and she shook her head at him as he looked around.
“We need to.. figure this out. Let’s get to your office. Do some research.”
Buffy gave him a weird look but pulled on tan slacks and a white silk v-neck blouse.. She swept her hair back and pinned it up with a white rose pin. She picked up her heels and sat down on the bed to put them on.
“Nice. You look nice.” Angel told her as he pulled on his pants and a black pin stripe shirt.
Angel walked out of the room and Buffy followed him, curious as to why he seemed in some kind of trance.
Angel listened to Spike banter on about how he saved the world. He saw a blue fairy to turn Spike into a “real boy”.
He looked down at the cart in front of him and then glanced at his clothes. He was wearing an “office boy” outfit.
“Angel!” Buffy smacked him on the cheek. “Snap out of it! God What the hell is going on? Did Liam write anything about this?”
He just shook his head. ” I’m not sure. What’s changed? You? Buffy..” He grabbed her shoulders tightly. “You have to get out of here, it’s not safe.”
“STOP! I am safe; with you, I’m safe. Let’s just go over everything again. Maybe we missed something.” She tried not to panic. She tried not to let it show.
But Angel knew.
He sighed. ” I can smell the anxiety coming off you Buffy.” Running a hand through his hair, he thought maybe vampires could get delusional if they really didn’t get enough sleep.
~~~~
Angel snapped out of his sleep and pulled at the bug like demon sucking on him.
Eve came in and opened the box to a bigger sucking demon. Buffy ran in and knocked it to the floor.
“What the hell do you think you are doing?” She screamed at Eve.
“This is just a dream Buffy. It’s not real.” Eve said and walked out.
The thing had latched onto Angel.
His friends told him that he could stop living.
‘I don’t have to fight anymore? What about..’
They started screaming and screeching loudly.
Buffy was looking for something to kill it when Spike ran in and threw the demon off Angel.
~~~~
They were sitting in the other room to his office as he told them about the dreams.
Buffy attacked Eve then. “You. You came in and put that on Angel.” {Soul Purpose: Angel attacks Eve}
‘You did.” Angel backed Buffy’s words. Then Fred, Wes, Gunn and Lorne attacked Eve.
“What do you think the Senior Partners will do to you when they find out about your extracurricular activities?” Angel asked her softly.
“What do you think they think about yours?” She mocked. “So things aren’t going your way and your trying to blame someone outside of your little circle?”
As she walked away, she said in her snooty arrogant voice “Here’s a thought, why don’t you try looking inward? Unless you don’t like what you see?”
After that, Angel slept for days. Buffy couldn’t even wake him. She knew he needed sleep. She also avoided Spike as much as possible. She stayed in their rooms mostly and even though she didn’t have much to do, she wasn’t really bored.
She enjoyed being in Angel’s presence. ‘Boy this pregnancy really must be doing a number on me. Angel’s presence… sheesh.’
Two days after Angel had been asleep, Buffy was sick.
So sick in fact that she never made out of the apartment. She had food brought to her, nothing stayed down.
On the fourth day, Wes came to check on Angel and Buffy.
“Buffy?” Wes walked in to the bedroom and saw Angel asleep but heard who he assumed to be Buffy in the water closet.
“Dear Lord Buffy! Why didn’t you call sooner?” Wes stopped by the counter and grabbed the glass of water for her to rinse her mouth. As he did so, he noticed a pregnancy test. ‘Buffy’s pregnant?’
Buffy groaned when she realized that she forgot to move the pregnancy test off the counter. She wasn’t really sure why she had bought it when she had three confirmations already.
“Buffy, you appear dehydrated, we may need to take you down to the hospital.”
“No! No way Wes! Can’t you just bring the stuff up here?”
~~~~~~~
Angel woke up to arguing coming from… the bathroom?
He sat up, swinging his feet to the floor and swept a hand through his hair. He felt amazingly refreshed.
He stood in the doorway of the bathroom, arms folded over his chest, waiting for them to notice.
“Thank God, Angel. Make Buffy listen to reason.”
“Make Buffy?? Geez Wes, we aren’t cavemen. He doesn’t make Buffy do anything, you got that?”
“Whoah! Could you both stop yelling please? Now, someone calmly tell me whats going on and why Wes is in here with you? What is that smell?”
Angel watched Buffy’s face turn flush. He noticed how pale she was too. He looked at Wes and saw a box and a slim plastic stick in his hand.
Crap. Wes knew. Why had she gotten a test anyway? I told her, Spike told her, Lorne told her!
“Apparently Buffy has been sick for a couple days now. I was telling her she should come down to the hospital so we can get some fluids down her that will stay in her system. She is refusing like a brat!” Wes huffed.
Angel snorted softly and smirked. “So you two have been yelling? Like children? Wes, call Fred and ask her to bring some stuff up and ask her if she could bring some blood too.” Wesley glared at Buffy for a second then handed the box and stick to Angel.
“Congratulations Buffy. Next time, call sooner.” Wes walked out and Angel heard the flick of his cellphone and the keypads clicking.
“You gonna be alright Buffy?” I watched her shrug her shoulders. What does that mean?
“If you aren’t then maybe you should go down to the hospital.”
That got a rise out her again.
“I’ll be fine. Wes said with all the vomiting and not being able to keep anything down that Ive become dehydrated. He yelled at me and told me that being pregnant wasn’t something to play around with…as if he would know.” Then she laughed softly and I laughed. She’s gonna be alright. She just really dislikes..ok she hates hospitals.
~~~~~~~
Fred brought up the I.V. and a drip. When she saw Angel, she had to give him a hug. I could see why Fred was special. And I wondered why Wes was beating around the bush.
“Hi Buffy.” Fred came towards me and I really didn’t liker her at the moment. She was going to stick me with that. Angel came in behind her and gave me a stern look.
I knew they meant well and that I need this but I will never like needles.
I looked away and hissed as I felt the needle prick my skin. I shuddered subtly as she removed the needle and I could still feel the catheter. I hate needles, did I mention that?
“Alrighty, all done. You know Buffy, you might want to come down to the lab when your better..” Fred paused and I saw her glance at Angel.
“Buffy, Fred said she would be more than happy to do your blood work..” Angel trailed off as he handed me a book.
“What’s this?” I looked at the title. Oh. A baby book. Angel smiled at me and shrugged his shoulders this time.
“It’s ok. We’re new parents. How else are we going to know about this stuff?” Angel was right. Who did we know besides him that had children? My dad, but I dunno if I’m ready to seek him out and tell him.
So I agreed to let Fred do whatever it was she needed to do.
It all came sooner than I expected…
~~~~~~~
“Thanks, Fred. You’re really good with the needles. I mean, I barely feel them.”
Fred laughed and blushed slightly. “Well, I don’t do a whole lot of blood work but when I do, I try to be thorough.”
“So when are you and Wes going to go for coffee?” I couldn’t help it.
“Fred, you should just ask him. I mean this is a century where women take charge! I mean you are in charge of a lab! You need to ask him. better yet, just tell him that you want to date.” I told her gently.
“You just forget about that Knox guy you have working with you. Wes loves you Fred. They all do.” She was going to tell me I was wrong, I’m not wrong.
“Angel loves you like a sister or a daughter even! He would do anything for you. He would. Gunn loves you. He always will. Lorne loves you like a good friend or maybe a sister he never had. Spike loves you. Probably the same way Angel loves you. Your his friend. Wesley, he’s in love with you. Ask him for coffee.” I laughed then. “Ask Angel about asking me for coffee sometime.”
“He told me that story.” I looked at her then. I had been walking around looking at the lab. She had my attention then. “When you died, he talked about you some. When you came back, he talked about you more. I knew exactly how much he loved you. I’m glad you’re here Buffy. Angel’s happy with you around and I think we might be getting back on track with why we came here.” She gave me a look that I understood.
To wipe out Wolfram and Hart, not work with them and help them grow.
~~~~~~
It’s Sunday and Angel is taking care of me. He brought breakfast to me himself and assured me he made it. Let’s see.. eggs, bacon, toast with cream cheese and strawberries, orange juice, milk and a pink rose…I believe he made it himself. I’ve been lying in bed putting together some more scrap pages for my album. Angel handed me a picture of Liam.
What can I say? Love makes you do the wacky! And I told Angel so. He agrees.
He also made a remark about how I might love Liam more. How ridiculous!
“Angel..” I was glancing through my pictures when I noticed something odd.
“I think these pictures are fading. So are my memories!” I began to panic. Angel immediately had an answer.
“You know, maybe you aren’t suppose to keep those memories. Maybe too many of us can confuse you.” He looked certain. He tapped my forehead. “Too many Angel memories, sometimes can get confusing. Even for me, sometimes.”
“But if I forget..”I gasped “What about the baby? Will it disappear too?” I’m really in full panic mode, starting to hyperventilate.
Angel moved all the scraps and photos aside and pulled me in his arms.
“This is our baby, Buffy. It’s not going anywhere. We get to keep it. It’s a feeling I have, ya know?”
I nodded. Angel always knew how to console me and calm me down.
“Let’s get Fred and see if she can go to lunch with you? Maybe go shopping?” He sounded hopeful, and I let him continue to make me feel better. I hadn’t actually had much girly time so maybe shopping and lunch would be good.
“Alright. But…you bring Wes out tonight so the four of us can go out to eat?” He was shaking his head in disagreement even before I could finish my sentence.
‘Why not?”
“Buffy, no way. Let Wes and Fred get together on their own time, in their own way. Please? I’ll take you out to dinner, I’ll even invite Gunn and Spike..ok?”
“Agreed.” He almost always gets his way now.
~~~~~~~~~
Lunch with Fred was fun, shopping even better because we shopped for me and for her.
By the time dinner time rolled around, I was ready to eat and then sleep.
Dinner was nice too.
Spike actually wore something nice. Well.. ok he wore a navy blue t-shirt instead of the usual black. We all commented on it.
Angel rolled his eyes.” Nice shirt.” His tone was dripping with sarcasm.
“I like it Spike. It brings the blue out in your eyes.” Fred, shes so nice. I think Spike is actually blushing!
Gunn and Wes both said it was different and left it at that.
“Buffy, you aren’t going to be sick are you?” Wes asked.
Wes has been the father figure to me since he found out about me. He sorta adopted Giles’ role I guess.
I bit my lips together and shook my head no. I did feel slightly nauseous and suddenly hot.
I jumped up instantly and as calmly and quickly as possible went to the Ladies Room. Luck was with me, I was the only one in there and vomiting everything I ate. Ugh. How gross.
“Buffy? I just wanted to make sure you’re ok? Um.. I mean , I know you’re not ok, because you are puking but…”
“Fred. I’m fine. If everyone is ready to go, I’m ready to go.” I flushed the toilet and rinsed my hands, face and mouth. I moaned when the cool water hit my hot face.
“This pregnancy is kicking my butt Fred.” She smiled slightly at me. I know she can’t really sympathize with me.
Once again I was so happy we were riding with Wes. If we had been in one of Angel’s cars, I’m not sure but I think he would have had a fit. Yep, you guessed it. I puked!
“Buffy, it’s quite alright. It will wash.” Wes tried to make me feel better, but it only made me feel worse. I just wanted to some ginger snaps and ginger ale.
~~~~~~~~
Angel carried me into the elevator at W and H and into our apartment. I felt so foolish. As I went to change my clothes, he called in for some ginger snaps and ginger ale. Must be out, he snapped at whoever was on the receiving end to get them anyway.
Then I noticed it. A large cork board was on the bed. It wasn’t the cork board so much as what it said. Buffy and Angel with the number four and ever after it. Oddly enough, it looked like my handwriting. That notebook had been missing for so long, I can’t imagine that Angel would have saw it anyway.
“Angel, what’s this?”
“Oh, that. It’s for you.” He shrugged out of his shirt and toed off his shoes. He unbuckled his belt and slid it out of his pants.
“Thank you Captain Obvious. I mean how come that’s my hand writing?”
“Sit down, I want to tell you a little story.” He was interrupted by a knock. “That will be your comfort food of choice. I’ll be back. Get comfortable.”
~~~~~~
“Spike. What the hell are you doing here?”
“Well I’ve come to check in on the sick bird, mate.” Spike pushed Angel out of the way and carried in on a tray ginger snaps, ginger ale, an empty glass, two glasses filled with blood and a white rose.
Angel shook his head and sighed. Will this night ever end?
“Spike! What are you doing here?” Buffy was much nicer about it than Angel.
“Brought your ginger things, luv.” and then Spike picked up the white rose with flourish and presented it to Buffy.
Buffy couldn’t help but laugh. “Thanks Spike. I’m alright. So you’ve seen me, you can report back to everyone else and leave.”
Buffy bit into her cookie and smiled.
‘How d’ya know ducks?” Spike asked.
“Everyone seemed pretty concerned. I’m fine. Now please leave and we will see everyone in the morning. Good night Spike.”
Spike kissed her forehead before Angel could say anything about it, he headed out.
“Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out, Spike.”
“Love you too peaches.”
~~~~~~~~
Angel sat down on the bed and started up his story.
“Hmm, Let’s see when was it.. Ah. Prom night. Well Prom day actually. I was walking around the mansion and knocked some books over. A few of your school books and a notebook. That’s not actually your handwriting on there. But I’ll come back to that.” He sipped down some blood and noticed Spike had taken the other glass.
“That notebook, I took with me. Unfortunately it was in my apartment that was blown up.” He tapped his temple. “Photographic memory though. I thought it would be nice if you had a place where you could put stuff.
You know, like pictures, messages, drawings…” He smiled great big, Buffy kissed him as way of thanks. “I drew that on there. You like it?”
“Definitely. I appreciate it, Angel.” Buffy yawned loudly.
“Get some sleep, Buffy. We have a big day ahead of us.” He switched the light out and cuddled up to her.
During the night Buffy dreamed of a girl, drawings, Andrew, empty hands and blood.
She jerked awake…”Angel! Angel, wake up!” She jostled him urgently.
“What? What Buffy?” Angel gruffly answered.
“Tomorrow, a slayer, Andrew’s coming to visit… Angel in the morning, before we head to your office, you need to look the journals. You will, right?” She swiped her hair back off her face and calmed immediately when Angel put his hand on her back. He pulled her back to him and down toward the pillow.
“I’ll check before we go in the office.” He promised and kissed her goodnight.
~~~~~~~~~~